Let's Not Bring Morals Into This
by The Decemberist
Summary: "It's an affair Ichigo; no matter what you do it's going to be wrong."
1. Chapter 1

I don't know what my deal is.  
I do not have time for this.  
I do not have any direction for this.  
I do not have any long term inspiration for this.  
And yet here we are.  
Ichiruki oneshots round two.  
The much more adult sequel.  
This will be updated sporadically aka when I don't want to do what I should be doing and will include Ichigo and Rukia or whoever else I feel like in some sort of affair scenario.  
Let the adultery begin!

* * *

 **Let's Not Bring Morals into This**

 _"It's an affair Ichigo; no matter what you do it's going to be wrong."_

You told yourself you wouldn't do this anymore. You would not, absolutely not, under no circumstances, be fucking your best friend/ wife's friend/ friend's wife under your roof during children's parties anymore. Nope, nope, you were both done with that mess, that itch had been scratched enough and you were to go on with your lives like you both were happy in your marriages and meant the vows you made to your spouses.

To be fair...at least this time it wasn't under your roof.

It was under hers

…during her brother's New Years party.

See? Progress.

Her hands and lips are everywhere on your body, leaving a trail that burns down until her mouth is swallowing you whole and it takes every fiber of your being to not finish right then and there like you were fifteen getting your first blowjob. She's so good, too good; your hands grip the sheets so hard you hear them starting to rip and you have pull her up before you finish in her mouth without any warning like an asshole. Somehow you manage to hold it together until you both cum together, like you always do, because that's your _thing_ , your dumb little romantic thing like some husband and wife shit.

After these little excursions you always used to immediately think of your wife and her husband and all the reasons why you're both terrible awful selfish assholes who need to practice some of that self control your adult self is supposed to have. You're in your thirties now; it's not like you're a teenager and these actions don't have dire consequences. Lives would be ruined; families destroyed; reputations trashed forever if this got out.

But that doesn't cross your mind anymore, not really. Not since you overheard Orihime drunkenly telling Ishida at your class reunion that she can't stop thinking about him and all those _what-ifs_ and Rukia told you her and Renji don't even sleep in the same room.

When you look over at her, her eyes are closed and her hair is all messy and sweat slicked, strands plastered to her forehead and you think she's the most beautiful being you've ever seen. It would be so much easier if that's what this was all about, something as simple and shallow as preferencing one look over the other, a simple carnal attraction to ivory skin and midnight hair and plum eyes over auburn and almond but doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. With Rukia it's always been so much _more_ than that, meant so much more than just getting each other off while your spouses weren't looking. They do this because they _need_ it, need to be close and connected and all that dumb poetic Shakespearean nonsense you used to love in high school but now you think is a load of shit.

You used to care about doing the right thing and not wanting to hurt anybody and being the reliable protector in a friend group of heroes until one day Rukia just rolled her eyes and said in that slow voice she uses when you're being an idiot, "It's an affair Ichigo; no matter what you do it's going to be _wrong_."

Seriously what happened to you guys? You're all absolute fucking _messes_.


	2. Chapter 2

weeeeeeeee this one was fun.

* * *

Dirty Little Secret

 _Rukia has a dirty little secret. Not to mean that she only has one, but this one is just a little dirtier, a little more secret, than all the others._

Rukia has a dirty little secret. And it's the most terrifying kind, the kind that's right out in the open, under everyone's noses, just waiting to be discovered by someone who pays enough attention to the little details most people usually just don't notice or forget about.

And it's a shared secret too. What's that saying, _two can keep a secret if one of them is dead?_ Well, she's technically dead, does that count? Does that add a few points in their favor, because god knows they can take all the slack they can get.

But Ichigo's a good secret keeper. If she had to share this burden with anyone she's happy it's him, if only because he's got just as much invested in this particular secret as she does.

She shares a lot of secrets with him. Some small, more big; most include low moans and scraping nails and hastily washed sheets with sheepish grins and insincere promises to 'never do that again.' _yeah right_. Long secret nights with no thought to spouses or responsibilities; just two people who should've been together but got fucked over by circumstance and obligation. Secrets that make her blush and smile these little smiles when no one's paying attention and hold her fingers to her lips, pretending it's someone else's hand that gently runs down her neck to her collarbone, hands hot on the skin-

until someone will say "Rukia?" and she smiles her actress smile and her hands go back to her sides until the next illicit little meeting.

Her secret kept growing and growing and probably will continue to until Rukia is much older and hopefully wiser, and will know how to handle its likely revelation with all the grace and dignity her adopted family has dreamed of her having. It's the kind of thing that, if unearthed, would ruin so much more than the intertwined lives and relationships and there would be nothing she could do to keep her and Ichigo's sordid little affair from living on to everyone.

Lucky for her Ichika's eyes are pure violet and hair is easy enough to style at will; a carefully crafted ponytail and choppy bangs work wonders. Most of the time Rukia even believes her own bullshit.

The only time she's ever really forced to face the truth is the pained look that'll flash across Ichigo's face when he sees her, so quick you'd miss it if you didn't know what you were seeing, the longing for an unrealised relationship that will never be. Sometimes the guilt is so great she almost reveals the truth.

 _Almost._

(Story of their lives.)

* * *

So. I enjoy lurking around tumblr and it's quite amusing how many people are getting their morality/judgement pants on and deciding to lose their shit over adultery fics and waaaah wahh waaaaah. Grow up people and get a life. It's fiction. It happens waaaaaay more in real life than I'm sure your little sheltered minds can understand. People cheat on each other and do sketchy shit literally ALL THE TIME.  
Does that make it right? Nope. But it makes it human. and write-able/explorable/some other fancy literary terms my brain doesn't wanna remember.  
Also it always going without saying…but…if you don't like it….don't…read…..it?  
Like ichihime makes me wanna vom so I don't go looking for ichihime fics. Not too complicated here folks.


	3. Chapter 3

woooo the old 2for1 special!

* * *

To the Girl That He Loves

When you asked her about last names it was excruciatingly uncomfortable. Rukia does this weird thing when she's feeling awkward, like how most people look away or avert their gaze to another part of the person they're speaking to's face so it still seems like they're making eye contact but they're really not so they feel more comfortable? Yeah Rukia apparently missed that social cue because she'll look you dead in the eye, discomfort written all over her absurdly beautiful face and let you see every little facial twitch, lip purse, eye furrowing so you know you've crossed some kind of line and have to suffer right along with her.

You didn't even want her to take yours. You were more than willing to tac _Kuchiki_ right on after _Renji_ and have that be the end of it. After all it'd be kinda funny, Captain and Vice Captain Kuchiki, brothers-in-law, just so Byakuya would have to address you with his own surname and never forget that you were just a little closer to equals, and that you pulled the ultimate trump card by _marrying his sister._

Not that that was a significant factor in your proposal. You've been dick-over-heels for Rukia since your days of slumming it in the dirt and grime. It was like some shit from a living world movie, honestly. It was like the worst kept secret among your class that you were in love with her, except Rukia was so damn oblivious you probably could've walked right up to her and kissed her and she would've said something like "Oh Renji, did you just mistake me for someone else?"

(But you're far from your days in the academy.)

And you didn't realize the last name thing would turn into one of those things, one of those weird fiance-now-married-couple _things_ that eat away at you to the point that you're wondering if you're just crazy or is there something seriously fucked up about your relationship? Her bluntness is one of the things you love about her but sometimes she can just be so damn _hurtful_ with her glaringly uncomfortable facial expressions and her dismissive _"no Renji I think it's best we keep our own names"_ s without another word on the subject.

It took you a few years but you eventually figured it out. She's been fucking Kurosaki behind everyone's back for god knows how long and she needs to keep you at arm's length; can't let you get too close or let herself care about you too much or understand just how much you really _love_ her because that would certainly mess up her already destructive arrangement.

(You kinda wonder if now the situation's reversed and you're the oblivious idiot everyone low key pities when they're bored at lunch and run out of things to talk about.)

You'll never say shit of course. You've long ago come to terms with your second best identity; this is simply another ding that affirms what you've always known. Besides, you're in _love_ with her. Like the real deal, wanting her happiness over your own, letting her destroy your heart for the sake of her own kind of shit that seems more like a sickness than emotion. And the worst part is knowing she feels the exact same way.

Just not for you.

(And you hope to god he feels the exact same for her because as fuckedy fucked up as it is _you_ _want her to have nothing less_.)

* * *

Alrite so I feel this deserves some explanation. Because I kinda shat on Renji's life a lot (read: all the time) and I sorta feel bad about.

But, like Orihime, I could just never _really_ like him as a character. He's literally Ichigo but with less of the complexity and stuff that stops me from completely hating his obnoxious ass. But Renji doesn't have any of those endearing little traits, so unfortunately he's a victim of circumstance and lazy writing and a great emotional punching bag when I wanna do something angsty.

But again, I do think he suffers from the same problem as Orihime and that's loving someone without understanding them and not realizing (except in my angsty future fics) that being with someone who can never reciprocate your feelings is guna be really shitty and eventually drive you crazy and make you super resentful.

I knew two couples like this, one divorced and one stayed together, the difference being partner A in relationship 1 didn't wanna settle for someone who wasn't as crazy for them and partner B of relationship 2 is just guna learn to deal with a partner who isn't as in love. To each their own, honestly, people want different things from relationships but it's certainly interesting to explore the consequences of not being emotionally satisfied from a spouse.


	4. Chapter 4

ALSOOO I guess we are at the point this needs to be said . SO

orgs:

if you bring ya nasty ass here and leave a petty anon review it will be deleted. If you're not being a raging puss and actually are signed in I will still go after you because I am 10000x more petty and am dealing with my last semester of finals so I welcome the distraction AND am sick of dealing with you children.

otherwise happy reading friends.

* * *

and so we circle this old flame-

I used to try and rid myself of you. Wash my skin scrubbing down to the bone but you had somehow wedged yourself deeper past the physical and the corporeal and the _changeable_.

(Asshole.)

(I used to be a good wife.)

I have accepted that I can't adjust and you can't stop. Sometime it's still in secret and we're careful like it was in the beginning when we pretended to feel guilty and we would affirm our guilt with lies about loving our spouses. It somehow made it less terrible, if we went through the motions of remorse and acted like we were recovering addicts who just met out of a habit we were trying to break. It made the relapses so much _better_.

There used to be love. Once. A longlong _long_ time ago. Maybe there still is, buried somewhere deep under all the resentment and self loathing we still want to put each other's best interests firsts instead of trying to raise a shitstorm in each other's lives every time we have the chance.

(Remember, I only told _her_ about the time you lied about the medical conference the weekend of her birthday so you could come fuck me because you told _him_ I never loved him.)

Once upon a time we were Romeo and Juliette and Beatrice and Benedick or whatever dumb Shakespeare shit you always compared us to but now we're just two ex-war heroes who got caught in a nasty affair and our kids won't even say our names.

But isn't this what we wanted? What we would desperately whisper into each other's skin during those stolen moments ( _IwantyouIwantyouIwant **you**_ ) and beg the universe to fix our childish mistakes because we were young and selfish and didn't realize that playing with people's hearts out of some twisted sense of obligation isn't very nice?

The last thing he said to me before he left?

.

.

.

.

 _"You two deserve each other."_

* * *

Title is take from the Dessa song "Matches to Paper Dolls"

uhg so angsty but i bet their hatesex would be super hawt


	5. Chapter 5

Inspired by the Buddha quote "three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth)

* * *

 **the sun the moon & the** **truth**  
 _(three things cannot be long hidden)_

the sun

Ichigo's not really a morning person.

He doesn't exactly want to stay in bed and sleep more, but there's always something so _daunting_ about trying to match Orihime's endless energy as she dances around their room and the kitchen, smiling cheerfully as she makes breakfast and gets herself ready and gets Kazui dressed for school and wishes the twins a nice day and asks him if he needs anything to which he says no but-

he remembers rushing around with _her_ in the morning, sleep deprived from chasing hollows and stealing extra breakfast to make up for the lost energy and then walking to school in comfortable silence, readying themselves for another day of playing hero.

(Somehow it was always worth it.)

It's not like he even has trouble sleeping anymore. When they still slept in his room he used to lay awake all night while Orihime snored softly beside him, watching the night sky with something akin to _anticipation_ though not for any reasons clear to him. Eventually he asked to switch with his sister and now his bed sits on the other side of the window, and he has no problem falling asleep.

( _Liar. You know exactly **who** you're waiting for._ )

the moon

Captain Kuchiki does her job with inspirational precision and accuracy. She does the Kuchiki name proud with her endless devotion to running an efficient and effective squad, all while being a leader that is both approachable and respectable. Some might say she even throws herself into her work a little _too much_ , considering the time of great peace Soul Society has entered. Take a few vacation days they tell her, enjoy some down time with your husband and daughter.

(No one ever guesses Captain Kuchiki is trying to avoid both of those things.)

Ichika used to cry whenever she left but after years of an absentee mother and an overly compensating father she simply waves and wishes her mother well when Rukia leaves in the morning, more ghost than spirit as she waves back and wonders how much more she's going to let her own regrets ruin her relationship with her only child.

When Renji accidentally dislodges an old picture of her and their friends in the world of living she kept hidden behind a family photo she tries to hide the sharp pain that cuts through her chest when she sees how close she and _him_ are, bodies pressed together as they all had tried to get in the shot. Ichika, sharp and blunt in her 8 years, asks why her mother doesn't smile like that anymore.

Both she and Renji pretend not to know what she's talking about.

the truth

Renji goes to ask Rukia if anything had been bothering her lately but she wasn't in her office. Neither of her lieutenants know where she is, frantically apologizing, she left for lunch abruptly and hasn't returned they tell him.

He asks Kiyone if Rukia has been acting differently lately. The young woman pauses for a moment, as if to carefully choose her words, and tells him that since she became captain Rukia acts like she did when she first joined the squad.

He doesn't want to understand that's not a good thing.

In another world Orihime hums while she cuts up veggies for dinner and prepares some chicken and calculates how many more loads of laundry she'll have to do before picking Kazui up from soccer practice. She sets to ironing Ichigo's shirts so he'll have a fresh one for work tomorrow and hopes he doesn't run into traffic on his way back from the medical conference a few towns away. And during her housework she chooses to ignore the ripple she feels in the atmosphere, the slight shift of reiatsu as the universe adjusts for a powerful entity entering her world and the spike that matches it-

Three things that cannot be long hidden.

The sun.

The moon.

And the truth.

 _(But if she closes the curtains and he averts his eyes and they ignore their **hearts** , they can do a damn good job of trying.)_

* * *

a/n: all up in my feels lately because I'm graduating college in may (wuthowdidthathappen) and realized that I've been hanging around this site one way or another for twelve freaking years. I got my first official penname when I was twelve after lurking around the Zelda fandom, heavily shipping zelink back when the Oot canon was all the rage and the big shipping war was zelink vs. malink. (Sidebar: does anyone even REMEMBER malon?)

Then I got bored, lost the password, fell out of love with my fandom-

(seriously Bleach fans, we have it pretty good in terms of fan quality. The manga may have fucked us over in terms of canon but at least we have so many badass fans who regularly contribute quality fics and art and panel/story analysis. I've been waiting on Link and Zelda since I was SIX, and the quality of fandom content has taken a serious nosedive since I first joined. I won't even touch that anymore because of how mediocre everything is. Also I'm a hasbeen and no one writes for my preferred universe anymore.)

-and then came back a year or two later when I was in 8th grade and got into Inuyasha (dear lord I feel old). Inuyasha turned into Kingdom Hearts and Fullmetal Alchemist which lead into Bleach and the rest was history. Settled into this fandom in 2009 and never looked back. Left in 2011, returned for a bit in 2014 and then really started writing and paying attention again last spring once I heard the manga was officially ending. Even after all the bs Ichiruki is still alive and kicking.

I remember being so anxious about ever posting anything and worried about not getting any reviews or favorites. HA. FF became so much more fun once I realized writing for myself was far more enjoyable than worrying about what anyone else thought. Which is why I'm 22 and still writing like my angsty fourteen year old self and loving every minute of it. Oh man...what a ride.


	6. Chapter 6

ayyy shoutout to all the lovely reviewers who keep saying nice things about my writing even though there's no variety and I write the same damn thing overandoverandover because YOO I'M STILL PISSED SIX MONTHS LATER AND IDGAF

also funny story. So I was going over my older fics and realized that I wrote this sassy overconfident little a/n back in may about how "writing ichiruki angst was impossible now it's so obvious they're going to end up together waaah waaah" WAS I KIDDING AM I HAPPY NOW I basically dared the universe to fuck us all over with the garbage that blehch has become so I'm sorry everyone you can blame me I'd take it all back if I could my need of one to write pissy characters doesn't compare to the needs of many who don't deserve godawful endings.  
Seriously fams I quit this shipping game. Link and Zelda never guna kiss Sora and Kairi aren't even relevant anymore Ziva DIED Booth and Brennan were murdered by godawful character development and writing Ichigo and Rukia are canonically soiled. I'm not cut out for this life.

also this is part one of a two shot.

alsoALSO standard org disclaimer: If you write a dumb anon complaint in my reviews I will delete it. If you happen to not be a puss and are actually signed in I will reply and write back something nasty and hopefully embarrassing bc I'm petty. See reference to my previous ishihime oneshot. I thought I was pretty clever.

* * *

 **Nature's Strongest Storm**

-you'll look for the fairytale but always choose the madness-

Once upon a time there was a girl and her superior and his wife and a whole lot of love and secrets in between. There was an inexperienced fighter and a willing teacher and a captain blinded by faith and illness There was a girl and a man and a whole ocean of reasons why she should stay the hell away from him and his smirks and wandering eyes.

Then there was just Rukia and Kaien.

The fairytale was Rukia growing strong and experienced and wise under her vice captain and eventually finding confidence in her new found strength and becoming a shining example of what it means to come from nothing and work your way to something.

She chose the opposite then, and now-

 _" **madness** ," she mutters as she makes eye contact with a boy with strange hair and burning eyes, who she swears is looking right at her as she draws her weapon and quickly disposes of the hollow._

Being around Ichigo used to be enough.

When they were kids it was easy to brush off the lingering hands and heated stares and pressing _need_ that lurked just enough below the surface of friendship to stay noticed but unacknowledged. She used to live in his room and she would dream about him at night and sometimes she dared believe she could hear her name on his lips from behind that thin closet door.

But he was young and innocent and there was so much insecurity behind her stares and hands. She may have not been a girl but he really was just a boy underneath torrents of energy and power he was too brash to understand. She falls for him quietly, slowly. Wondering if somehow, someway-

History twistedly repeats itself and she watches once again as she the man she loves goes to where she cannot follow.

(But somehow it's _different_.)

The fairytale is Rukia marrying her childhood friend who loves her and having a daughter who exhibits the best of both of them and a stable relationship with her brother and a well respected position with a squad who adores her and all sorts of other happy ending bullshit that should make her content with watching Renji play with Ichika as she writes another report about record low hollow activity.

And oh does she trytry _try_ but it's not part of the fairytale when she's knocking on Ichigo's bedroom door at 2am during a casual family visit, it's it's _it's_ -

* * *

sex and the city will be updated soon. I swear. I have actual assignments coming up so that means procrastinating aka writing.


	7. Chapter 7

tried to do a thing. exactly 100 words of ichiruki angst.

* * *

everlong.

They are tangled threads and sheets and legs; messy and _together_ because they don't know how to be any other way-

and no one notices the lingering touches and heated looks because they are a quiet constant like warm breezes and summer starlight. His hand brushes her back and fingertips skate across skin covered just by a sliver of sun dress fabric and the way she falls into his touch appears like nothing out of the ordinary.

.

.

.

.

.

Because how can you fault two halves of the same whole orienting themselves together like the sun and moon in the sky?

* * *

fun fact: three margaritas deep when I wrote this.

all up in my feels because I'm apparently supposed to graduate and start being a real adult after this weekend? and I started on this site when I was ten? meaning I've been lurking around ff for more than half my life? wut.

(….people do you see this? this is not the work of an adult aka let me hide from the real world for a little longer.)


End file.
